50 Ways to Annoy the Death Eaters and Voldemort
by TheSolitaryNoodle
Summary: Yes, I know there are 250billion others of these, but this is my version. A list of how to annoy Bellatrix, Narcissa, Lucius, Fenrir, Draco, Macnair, CrabbeAndGoyle, even Voldy himself.


**Now, before you all eat me for posting random oneshots instead of updating my other fics, know that I am very sorry for the slow updates, but I wrote this ages ago and it's been nagging me ever since. There. Now you can eat me.**

**As I said, I wrote this over a year ago, so some of them are pretty awful, but I find it cute. I'm nostalgic like that.**

**Oh, and I know that everyone and their mums has done one of these, but this is MY version, copyright Ellie Fox. Except the actual characters, which are copyrighted Jo. DON'T SUE, ME, JO!! I LOVE YOU!!**

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50 Ways to Annoy the Death Eaters and Voldemort

Slip a plastic surgery magazine under Voldemort's door, with a bookmark on the page 'Nose Jobs'.

Spread rumours that Snape has Shampoo-a-phobia.

Drop subtle hits about Bella sleeping with Voldemort in front of Rodolphus.

Drop obvious hits about Bella sleeping with Voldemort in front of Rodolphus.

Whenever Bellatrix or Narcissa walk into the room, hang up a larger-than-life-sized picture of Andromeda and Ted's wedding kiss.

Compare Bellatrix to Sirius and Andromeda.

Spread rumours that Narcissa's mother and Lucius' father were having an affair and they are actually brother and sister. Call Draco incest-child until he cries.

Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't be something more 'socially acceptable'.

Change Bella's screen name to VoldyIsSexy.

Try to make Nagini eat Wormtail when he's in rat form.

Attempt to turn Nagini into a purse.

Sing any song with the word 'sexy' in it whenever the Dark Lord walks in. Videotape Bella's reaction when she realises she has competition.

Lock Draco in a room with Greyback during a full moon, and then tell Narcissa. Videotape her reaction when she realises her baby boy is in danger.

Communicate with Crabbe and Goyle using grunts and pointing.

Ask Narcissa what hair-dye she's using, and tell her it's not working.

_Accidentally_ let slip to a hoard of mourning and rabid Sirius Black fangirls where Bella is currently hiding.

Give Greyback some breath mints. A truckload of them.

Tell Walden Macnair that normal people don't suffer from Axe Fetishes.

In the middle of a Death Eater meeting when Voldy is in full-flow, point over his shoulder, look shocked and scream "HARRY POTTER!!!" at the top of your lungs.

Follow Bellatrix/Rodolphus/Narcissa/Lucius around with stacks of clothes magazines, pointing out which ones they should wear for Tonks and Remus' wedding. Also, ask Draco what the bridesmaid's dress he'll be wearing looks like.

Make unnecessary comments about the status of Bellatrix's (admittedly questionable) sanity. Ask Narcissa to back you up. She will.

At Christmas time, permanently hex a red nose onto Rodolphus while he's sleeping. Gettit? _Rudolph_-us.

Also at Christmas time, cover the place entirely in mistletoe, except for your seat. Laugh your head off as chaos ensues.

Finger-cuff Bellatrix and Snape together.

Whenever you say Bellatrix/Rodolphus/Rabastan's surname, emphasise the STRANGE part.

Sign them up for anger management classes without them knowing.

Tell Narcissa they all want makeovers.

Replace any of the Death Eater's wands with Weasley's Wizard Wheezes fake rubber wands, and annoy them. Videotape it. Put it on YouTube. Send them the link. Hide.

Polyjuice into Sirius Black and scare the life out of Bella/Snape/Cissa/all of them.

Polyjuice into Sybill Trelawney and pretend to relay the prophecy, making some BIG changes and making them do silly things.

Polyjuice into Albus Dumbledore and claim you're not dead. Scare the life out of them.

Polyjuice into Andromeda and freak out Bellatrix and Narcissa.

Ask Voldemort to do the moonwalk. When he asks you what the Hell you're talking about, say "But aren't you Michael Jackson? After all… the whole noseless thing… the obsession with small boys…" in an innocent voice.

Host an Azkaban-reunion party, and invite every ex-inmate possible.

When around Macnair, use the phrase 'as easy as beheading a hippogriff.' Immediately start consoling him afterwards (note: make sure he doesn't have his axe on him when you do this.)

Sign Lucius up to be one of those _'L'Oreal, because you're worth it' _models. We all know he's secretly thrilled.

Force them to watch Disney Channel for six days running. If it's featuring one of those constant all-weekend Hannah Montana specials, even better. The painful 'goodness' of the Disney channel will have then all screaming in agony.

One word: _Imperio_. Use it to your heart's desire.

When he's sleeping, get black eyeliner and draw glasses on Voldemort. Don't forget to add the lipstick scar, too!

Get them to watch Indiana Jones 2, and when it comes to the scene when they eat snakes, look pointedly at Nagini and say "Oh? Eating snakes, huh? I wonder what _that_ would be like…"

Quote their characters from the movies. E.g. "Turn to page _three hundred and ninety-four_." "Neville Longbottom, is it? How's mum and dad?" "But, I can touch him now…"

Customise their masks. Remember, one can never have too much glitter on one's mask. The same goes for fake feathers and stickers. And pink paint.

Give Wormtail a cat for Christmas. Make sure he is in rat-mode at the time.

Tell Bella that she puts the 'ho' in 'Horcrux'.

Start every question you ask the Dark Lord with 'riddle me this…'

Follow Yaxley/Jugson/other nameless Death Eater around and ask them why JKR couldn't be bothered to give them full names.

Read certain chapters from the books to them. By 'certain chapters' I, of course, mean the ones where they get their butts kicked. By teenagers.

Force them to read Fanfictions about themselves. The smutty M-rated ones with weird pairings. Teehee.

Whenever Bellatrix starts 'lusting over the table' at Voldemort, shout "BELLA AND VOLDY, SITTING IN A TREE, K-I-S-S-I-N-G…"

The Malfoys _love_ blonde jokes. Really. Okay, they don't. So what are you waiting for?

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**Yeah, so like I said, some of them are pretty awful, but I'm posting it anyway. Deal with it. :)**

**I might do a big story of it, like a chapter for each prank. What do you think? And who should play the pranks if I do?**

**Thanks, Ellie.**

**It just took me 5 tries to spell my own name right. Hmm.**


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